i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Randomize
