In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
