she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
