Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize