I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Dignity is for republicans.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
