1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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