okay pat passed out under dana's car
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
