My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
