TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
