Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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