Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
