i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
