census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
cat food counts as protein by the way
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
