matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
