i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
