my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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