I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
