If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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