is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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