you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
