Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
