I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
