I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
