One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
