I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
