I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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