I'm jealous of your bromance
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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