watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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