White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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