Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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