Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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