and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
