"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
