you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
