OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
