i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
