Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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