I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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