I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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