did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
So here I am, sexting at work.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
