Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
