no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
