yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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