in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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