She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize