You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
