i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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