This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
