the condom got lost in my hair
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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