you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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