by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
