I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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