he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
There r osticjed everywhere
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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