how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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