Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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