Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
