dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
