it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
