Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
