on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Also, beer. Big fan.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize