Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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