did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
is wine microwaveable?
this just has baby written all over it
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
