it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
