becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
