what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
