they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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