if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
