Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I can feel your judgement through the phone
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
