I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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