I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
